From Suffering Hope to Sorrowful Joy

In the fall of 2022, my world came to an abrupt stop due to an unfortunate event that left me with severe nerve compression in my right sciatica. I could not work. I could not sleep due to excruciating pain. I could no longer do the things that I once enjoyed. I entered into what some in the Christian faith would call “the dark night of the soul.” 

Since it hurt too much to move, I was very limited in my choice of hobbies. That was when Jesus resurrected my passion for art. I had been on an extended hiatus for several years now and could not find the inspiration to draw to save my life. It was during this time where I was wrestling with doubts and believing God‘s goodness, where these two pieces were birthed. 

“Sorrowful Joy” and “Suffering Hope” represent my prayers to God in my deep despair and longing to be made whole. Inspired by Lovelite’s song “Ambition” and Sixpence None the Richer’s cover of “Wasn’t Made For These Times.” 

“Suffering Hope” represents how I saw myself during that season. Dead inside. Dreams diminished. A garden no longer flourishing, overtaken by weeds. Believing I was too broken that I could no longer fly. But still holding on to a sliver of hope. 

“Suffering Hope” by Ambi

“Sorrowful Joy” by Ambi

“Sorrowful Joy” is the exact mirror image of the previous piece. How God sees me in this very moment. Completely restored and made whole. Flourishing and able to soar again. Sorrowful Joy is who I am becoming, even if I cannot see her yet. That is where I am headed. 

Jesus did in fact answer my prayer. He is restoring all the years that the swarming locust has eaten. My desire is that these pieces would speak to you in your suffering and remind you that He is able to resurrect anything. 

I want to leave you with the lyrics from “Ambition”:

If worn out words 

Are all I bring 

Still You’ll come close

To hear me sing 

If a tired voice 

Is all I bring 

Still You’ll come close

To help me sing